Under Pressure

Hi Friendies,

I am feeling under pressure to update and be hilarious because my other two posts were so well received. Frankly, I can't be funny all the time so bare with me.

Today I will put some examples as to why online dating is SO PAINFUL.

These are two real life emails I got on my online profile today:

1. Hi just joined match a week ago looking 2 meet new people if you wanna chat shoot me an email.

Let's analyze for a minute. What did he ask me about myself? Did he send me a compliment? WHAT ON EARTH WOULD MAKE ME WANT TO RESPOND TO THAT? EVEN IF HE WAS GORGEOUS (Which he is actually a troll) I WOULDN'T DO IT. Like, what is even the point of him emailing me. If I make the first move (which I rarely do) I always ask a question or make a comment about something in their profile, or compliment them.

Apparently, you can't copy and paste on here so I will write verbatem on my next email. THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE BTW. SO ENJOY.

2. Hi my name is Rasheem and I am 27 from *** ****** I'm 33 years of age I'm african american I'm gonna be straight with you I'm in a miserable relationship with my kids mother I have two kids my life has had its up and downs I did seven years in prison when I was 22 came home in 2007 I've been doing great since then I've been working hard I know no one's gonna give me anything oh wait and i got charged with a posession of a firearmI did a lot of reading and educating myself right now I get paid 19 an hour and i started at 8.50 I'm trying to succeed and the woman in my life doesn't want me to she wants to hold on to the old me i hope you take a chance on our friendship and it can blossom into a beautiful thang.

(yes all one sentence)

WHERE DO I EVEN START? IT'S TOO PAINFUL TO ANALYZE THIS ONE. YOU CAN DO IT IN YOUR OWN MIND.

YOU WONDER WHY I'M SINGLE!