Three Wretched Dates in one week... I wish I had those 9 hours of my life back!

Hello!
So my computer isn't working but I still will check my dating profile ads when I go to my parents house or to a friends. (It is blocked at work and frankly I would be mortified if I got in trouble for going online dating at work... plus Danelle accused me of it at Providence and low and behold she was lying because all the sites were blocked and my boss knew it... who wins now, Danelle?) but I digress.

So anyway, my point is... I booked a lot of dates because I knew I wouldn't be checking messages too frequently. So I gave out my number pretty quick just to get things moving if you will...

Brace yourself...

Date #1: (Saturday). So this homeboy had been emailing me on and off for a while. I had taken myself off (obviously... but unlike B.. my douche of an ex boyfriend) when I was dating that guy recently. Anyway, he noticed I was back and said hello. However, he is full of small talk. I don't think he ever asked me anything with substance. Even the texts were boring. We didn't phone talk prior which was a mistake. Being a shallow Hal, I decided to go out with him anyway because he is good looking and hoped perhaps with a drink in him at the date he would be less awkward (which he actually admitted he was awkward... I swear to God). I guess maybe he is a shallow Hal too because the first thing he says to me is "you look beautiful" but obviously a girl can appreciate that! Anywho, we go on the date and low and behold, I'm doing all the talking (big surprise). In addition to that being lame, this lady comes up to us and goes to him "excuse me, are you famous?" I looked at her with horror and he said "no", and she continued to hit on my date. Then she turns to me and says "oh no honey, I'm not hitting on your date, I'm 58 years old". To which I reply, "that's okay you can have him". My true colors were already out because clearly this was going no where. The bill came and I said... oh do you want to split it? AND HE SAYS SURE!!!!!!!!! Jerk. Obviously he didn't like me because if he did he wouldn't let me pay a cent. Furthermore, it was even more unfair because doucher ordered an appetizer and I didn't... AND HE KEPT THE LEFTOVER PIZZA. So it wasn't even fair to "split it". Asshole. So at the end of the date, he hugs me and says "I'll call you" to which I roll my eyes and say "okay". Clearly I haven't heard from him. That's the end of that date.



Date #2: (Tuesday) This is a date with a "banker". In his picture he has typical banker attire. Nice. However, when I ask who he lives with... he states his parents. Which then leads me to learn he also works second shift at a grocery store. Not the kind of "banker" I had in mind. So I pull into this restaurant, and I see this man wearing a skull cap, biker boots, leather jacket, goggles, and biker boots. Nooooo this can't be him, right? I think to myself. So then I call his cell and say "Am I hallucinating or do you ride a motorcycle?" To which he chuckles and says yes it's him. Hmmmm. I'm completely taken aback. But believe it or not, he seemed nice and kind of normal on the date. That's strange. So at the end of the date, he hugs me and says "I'll text you when I get off the bike". He was a hard read. I couldn't tell if he liked me. But about 20 minutes later I get a text. He says he had a great time with me and I'm cute and he continues to flirt. The next morning he is flirting as well. However, the texts stop abruptly. I text him this morning with "ahem" and say "did I turn gross or something?" Now I know what Greg would say. He's just not that into me. So I figure who cares if I blow it. He has some excuses about being "busy". Whatever.

Date #3: This one is a whopper. Okay, so I go to meet a Portuguese/Italian guy with a good job who is complimenting me left and right. Ready for the red flag? 39 and never been married. I wonder why this is. In his pictures he is cute and we have had some nice witty banter. So I figure what the hell, I'll meet this guy. So I get there, and realize his pictures had to be at least 10 years old. This dude looks old and weathered. However, I decided against being a Shallow Hal (look where it got me with date #1) and keep an open mind. Good thing my mind is a parachute because this guy is ODD. Like the conversations was weird! Two glasses of wine deep, I say "so you're kind of old. why haven't you been married?" to which he socially awkwardly replies: "my uncle is 55". so i say "oh, and he isn't married?" and he says "no, he's married." so clearly I look at him dumbfoundedly and say okay so what's your point then? and he says "he feels young". umm. okay? So then he goes on to say he used to be engaged when he lived in florida (Two years ago). I say oh, what happened then? did you lose your job and have to move up here? he says "nope. i just wanted a change". I said "umm... so you just left her?" and he says "yeah if she doesn't want to move here it's not my problem". NICE. So I say "you must not have really loved her" and he says "yes i did". ummm... hmmm. the biggest red flag of all though I'd have to say honestly was that he ate ONE HALF OF ONE SLICE of pizza. Look at me. You think a small appetite is going to cut it with me? NO. But it turns out he is in love and wants to take me out again. he texts me: "do you think there is potential?" to which i reply "its hardto say after one date!" now he is asking me to come over....
Lord give me strength...
Okay that's it for now. No dates lined up but I'll keep you posted.

GN!